6 Ways to Survive Family Court


Find out how to stay cool and calm as you navigate the intricacies of custody, support, and more.

The mere thought of family court literally makes my shoulders tense and the back of my throat clench. I can feel the emotions welling up and if you asked me to, I could describe in great detail every drawn out second of the entire experience. It can be hard enough to be around an ex, but stepping right into the boiling pot and stirring the conflict can become a challenging brew. However, there are a few ways to make the situation manageable.

1. Breathe
First and foremost, to get through even the hardest situations, just breathe. There are moments when I will just coach myself on each inhale and exhale. It helps to avoid saying something regrettable, to stop from lashing out in anger, and to calm myself after hearing bad news.

2. Sandwich the experience with a trustworthy friend
I'm in a network of Single Moms that supports one another. Before hearings, we often post what's going on and can rely on a string of supportive messages (or even offers to come along.) Any worries go into the posts, with the added caveat that friends who have been through similar experiences can offer advice and help set expectations. There is ALWAYS always someone who understands what you're going through. After the meeting, it's a safe space to vent or to share a positive update depending on the outcome. In these cases, it's rarely 100% good or bad, so we tend to strive for progress not perfection when it comes to creating a happy household for our kids.

3. Speaking of sandwiches, make sure you eat
Taking care of yourself is the number one way to get through a lengthy legal battle. You do not want to be stuck waiting in a hearing (or meeting) for an ex that always shows up late without having something in your stomach.

4. Get good representation
I cannot say enough about the value of having a lawyer you trust. Yes, good representation has a price, but there is so much value in their expertise. I found a lawyer with connections and a strong history spanning decades, so there is literally nothing I fear as long as I run my plans by him. He has gotten me through some tremendously challenging custody issues and the wealth of knowledge he shares prepares me for every step of the process. He has literally knocked on judge's chambers to help me pass a tricky ruling on a tight deadline and at the same time he knows the intricacies of my family and asks about each of my daughters whenever we meet.

5. Breathe again, and then reference your notes
Ok, now that you're ready for the fight, it's time to take advantage of your preparation. Hopefully you've been taking good notes throughout the duration of your split and can offer a sound explanation for your standpoint. Reading from notes helps to keep you organized and credible.

6. Thank everyone you see
There really is power in gratitude for shifting a mindset. I've walked through challenging days where I just wanted to curl up into a ball and not see anyone. But, coming out of the funk and reaching deep internally to find something to focus on outside of my internal struggles helped open me up and accept my situation. Sure, people can be kind to others when they are happy. But, the true measure of character is how you treat others when you are down.


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