From Split to Success: Fine Tuning your Life After Divorce

It is no secret that getting divorced, or splitting after a serious relationship can bring up a myriad of emotions. Whether the split was mutual or not, it always includes setbacks that can run the gamut from physical to emotional to financial. Digging out of the hole is a struggle, and the necessities of caring for children throughout the course of recuperating magnify each challenge. But, it definitely IS possible!

Here's the back story about how I discovered an essential trick for taking note of life in the present, addressing goals, and making progress towards achieving them. When I was young (think 9-12 years old) my family had a stereo system that was the size of a large Amazon box. It played music and we generally played CDs because no one connected the rabbit ears so the radio stations were too fuzzy. I would lie underneath the pool table and stare at the CD player for hours while it played because it displayed equalizer bars. I watched in awe as they danced and reflected the speed, volume, and depth of the notes in the song. I was transfixed.

Music was always a passion of mine, and it weaved in and out of my life through orchestras, musicals, and dance parties. Naturally, when my life fell apart, there were some abrupt silences illustrating the metaphor of losing everything. I stopped singing, I stopped listening to music, and I stopped playing. I like to think, though, that I always had hope that it would come back. And so, as the pin dropped, I searched carefully for ways to improve my life. I found a lot of help along the journey and I'll go into more details about that over the course of this blog. I want to focus on the main components and how they helped today, and then I'll dig deeper into each section as we grow.

What I realized, was that in order to be the composer of my own sweet symphony I needed to have five sections with which to perform. I didn't always have to play the loudest, I simply needed to know what to do and when- and the only way I could do that was by acknowledging my role in bringing forth those key pieces. Here's where I put my focus:

Faith

For me, faith is the source for all growth. As much as I can be my own biggest fan and attempt to build myself up, I have learned that the best role for me is to be a bit more humble and serve the interest of my God, my family, and my friends. I wasn't always this way- so I'm not judging anyone who takes a different path, but I will say that it really works for me. My faith song sounds like footsteps into church each week, resonant prayers and musical devotionals, and listening to the beautiful sounds of the Earth as a reminder that I am just one small part of a big big plan.

Love

Love is everything I live for. I find it deeply in the hearts of my children and I realize what a gift it is to be their Mom. I find it in friendships and family ties. For a while, it was an empty tune because I let someone take it away from me. There was a time when I literally dropped my violin and tried to repair it, only to drop it again shortly afterwards from the same spot. So prophetic for a woman who was cheated on repeatedly. But the beautiful thing was that after I threw out all my music, I was able to find new songs. I don't have to go back to those same songs, ever. Instead, I can play the music that lights up my heart and shares the messages I long to give - love is all around and life is a gift.

Opportunity

To really accept that I want to be successful and challenged took a long time. For a while, I wanted nothing more than to wake up each morning and see my children. That was enough. But, it also wasn't enough. They are growing and learning faster than I can imagine and they are so full of life and love. They want to be able to share experiences with friends and help others. They want to thrive! And you know what, I want that for them, too. As Rupi Kaur says, "I need to make enough milk and honey to help those around me succeed." Quite frankly, now that I'm doing that, it feels really good.

Beauty

For five years, I spent the majority of my days without makeup. I yoyo'd in weight between pregnancies and I let a once strong beauty regimen slip aside. I didn't feel beautiful and I didn't care. What I realized was that when I took the time to dress up and wear makeup, I was going to events and having a great time. I was smiling, dancing, sometimes even flirting. I felt like me again! Taking the time to embrace beauty from within truly changed how I look at myself and others, but to me, taking the time to share a beautiful expression is my way of honoring the gifts in my life.

Action

When I became a yoga instructor, it was because I wanted to serve others. The only way I can be a leader is by keeping up my own practice and continually striving to practice more. My violin teacher used to say "practice makes permanent" and she brought about the negativity of imprinting a mistake by making it repeatedly. What I have learned in yoga is that there are no mistakes when you keep showing up. I'm committed to taking action daily for a better world.

While I can memorize music, I have always been more of a reader, so I put those notes in front of me each day. I have a vision board with images that call out to me and even the simple word floba now resonates with me as a visual cue. When I think of each section of my life playing the tune, I imagine the dancing equalizer showing my space and guiding me to a moment of balance that is true and unique to my needs at any given time. Right now, my tune is building to a crescendo, and I am so excited for where the journey is about to lead.