The Good Things

When I was a stay at home Mom, I felt lonely a lot. I remember the moment I would encounter another adult and elude sincere happiness that I just couldn't muster with my kids. It's not that my kids weren't enough or that they didn't make me happy, it was that they didn't validate me. I'll be the first to admit that I'm a fair weather parent. When things are going well and people tell me that, I feel great. When things go downhill, I take it deeply to heart. The thing I miss when I'm not with other adults is the laughter. I want to share the laughter with someone understanding.

The other night, my sweet daughter lost a tooth, and then she lost it. In order to prevent the onslaught of tears, we talked about how she could write a letter to the tooth fairy explaining the situation. She sat at the table and asked me to prompt her with the letters, but I suggested she give it a try on her own to show her sincerity to the tooth fairy. Fast forward a few momen…

Why talking to a therapist is hard

Sometimes talking to a therapist is hard because they are able to get to the nitty gritty of your life and express what you need to hear for challenging self improvement. And then sometimes it's hard because they just don't "get it" and they say something really offensive. For me it was the latter. I've been seeing a sling of therapists over the past couple months and I haven't quite gelled with anyone on my care team. The current woman I'm seeing apparently has it out for single working females. I asked her to talk about parenting because I feel like it's my greatest struggle right now. I want to be cooler, calmer around my kids. Who doesn't? Instead of walking down that path and analyzing it with me, she took the road of being condescending and cold about the amount of time my kids spend at day care. It's just not an option to change that. And, more importantly, no one would ever say to a man the same thing. Right?

Maybe I'm wrong, but I…

Towing The Line

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about my custody situation, when I made a shocking realization. If I didn't drive my girls to and from their Dad's house, he probably wouldn't see them. Ouch. I don't like to make generalizations about him, but given his past behavior, it's not hard to see that it's likely. But I hadn't thought of it before so it literally took my breath away.

How could anyone not want to see my girls as often as possible? Yet, here we are in a situation where he sees them once every other weekend. It wasn't always this way. He used to have them more and he made the decision not to by missing out. Ugh.

So here I am towing the line. I'm six years into this parenting gig and it's quite a challenge. Everyone around me says things noting how hard it must be. I just chide in agreement. Yes it's hard, but it's also really good work. I see my girls grow and learn and thrive all the time. I didn't give…

Make New Friends {Adult Edition}

I've been in a few positions where I needed to make new friends. I moved a couple times as a kid, I changed jobs, I became a stay-at-home mom, moved into new towns, and now I find myself in a new town again. I'm making acquaintances at church and work, but it wasn't enough. A lot of people know I was in a close-knit group of single moms back when I lived in Pennsylvania. They were my rocks through a very hard time and I still chime in from a distance since we're virtually connected.

How do I find friends as an adult? 
It's the age-old question. What makes two people click and carry on a friendship? Befriending one another as single moms is both easy and tremendously hard. I feel like once we meet, we can become fast friends, but it takes an act of God to get together in the first place. Multiple schedules need to align. It does happen though, and when it does it's really special. We are the ears that console one another and the eyes that see the light when it s…

Hyundai Hope on Wheels {Sponsored post}

This is a guest post by Mallory Ciliberti.

Wednesday night, I had the honor and pleasure of being invited to Hyundai Hope on Wheels' Celebration of Life Dinner and Check Presentation at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. This event was not only a beautiful venue with fun activities and entertainment, it was also touching and extremely moving and MOTIVATING! Hyundai has been sponsoring this foundation for 19 years. Yes, NINETEEN years and it is an incredible commitment to helping to find a cure for
childhood cancer.

Hyundai Hope on Wheels was launched in 1998 and provides grants to eligible institutions nationwide that are pursuing life-saving research and innovative treatments for childhood cancers. They focus solely on pediatric cancer, and because of that, this is one of the largest non-profit funders of pediatric cancer research IN THE COUNTRY!!  The buyers of Hyundai vehicles are the ones who are contributing to this awesome foundation! More than 835 United States dealers…

How I Avoided Wishing Ill Will on my Ex

If you read my recent post about cheating, you know that I have good reason to hate my ex. Hate or worse. Maybe even so bad that I could poke little pins into a voodoo doll covered in facial hair. But I don't feel that way. It's amazing to me sometimes that I am able to keep such a cool calm around him even when we're talking about hard things like money, the kids, and the past. I have to have more than just a "let sleeping dogs lie" mentality.

It's not enough for me to cut him slack for being the father of my children. If anything, that would give me even more fuel for the fire because he should be expected to hold up his end of the bargain. But folks, there are no bargains here. There is no way for me to expect or feel remorse for balls dropped. I just have to stay out of his back yard. I like to use the analogy that being his ex and dealing with him is like having a neighbor with a tree that hangs over your yard and always drops so many leaves. There'…

How Did I not Know About the Cheating?

Blerg, deep breath. I spent a long time wishing away the signs of cheating. I didn't want to seem jealous, or to overthink his friendships with females. Even when I found lewd pictures on his phone, I let him talk me down from thinking the worst. It's hard to say when the cheating started or continued because of this. I wrote it all down years ago in a journal, and I wouldn't even be able to ready it myself and believe it at this point. The lies and the truth weaved together so seamlessly that I jaded myself into believing it was a comforting blanket, when in fact I was being woven into a cocoon to strangle myself from the life line of the truth.

The place to start here is to accept that I did know about the cheating. Deep down, before any of the hairbands, or texts, or underwear showed up, I had to know it was coming. Or did I? I remember the day midway through my experience in a 12 step program helping me overcome my addiction to my marriage, that I decided it was time …