Where I Am Now

In two short months, almost everything in my life has changed. First of all, I’m now a Marylander. If you told me this 16 years ago, I never would have seen it coming. Slowly, my trajectory aligned South, and I got bit by the bug of possibility on 5/5. I was already planning to move closer to my (former) job, and one day I just thought - what if I looked for work in Maryland? After an amazing sequence of events and synchronicities, I found myself on the doorsteps to our home last week and it is amazing to be here. 

Since I’m posting this on a single mom blog, I’ll start with the elephant in the room. What happened to my kids’ Dad? I mean, it’s not very often that a parent can relocate in a shared custody situation. TBH, I don’t know and couldn’t even venture to guess. All I’ve seen is a stream of actions that led to me having my girls more and more of the time. Not that I didn’t relish the gift of spending time with them, I just realized that raising three girls and having a career is something I can’t do without avid supporters on deck. The amount of sick days I had to take off for them from work alone reached double digits last year, so it wasn’t sustainable to bear that schedule on my own. In my mind I teased the idea of moving closer to their Grandparents. It seemed like a really good idea and we immediately had their support and prayers for a path to open up. Emboldened, I decided to ask him if we could go. To my surprise, I met no resistance (at first) and so I quickened the pace in my job search and scheduled an interview for a job that not only piqued my interest, but also inspired me. 

By the first week of June, I had an offer in hand. I consulted my lawyer and he gave me some pushback. The move could be time consuming and very costly if I met any opposition from their Father. I didn’t anticipate any, so I asked him to move onto the next step assuming that we had cooperation. He suggested we draft a petition that would allow me to move- keeping the elements of our visitation schedule the same. 

All of a sudden I met a wall. I started having heated exchanges with the girls’ Dad that cast a dark shadow over my plans. I let it all go, and continued on my path towards a change, a dynamic shift that would lead to a better life for our family. I quit my job, accepted a new one, and focused on my immediate need in the new town - a home. I know it was wise to let the fighting go and focus on myself, but I’m not sure that my policy of complete apathy to the other party was the right step. I just knew that somehow it would work out. Whenever something would open up for me in Maryland, I would focus on that. How could all this promise come into my life if I wasn’t supposed to be here now? 

On the same day that I had the bleakest outlook for an agreement, I found out that a friend of family was moving out of town and giving away her furniture for free. How could I not be destined to go if there was already furniture waiting for me in town? I used that confidence to get me through the stress of rental agreements and applications that came down to the wire. Somehow, everything came together. 

I fitfully prepared an argument and plans to get my way in the custody case, and then tried not to focus on the negativity. By the time we were scheduled to meet with my lawyer, I was in knots. My mind yo-yoed trying to keep the peace. Ultimately, I walked into an office empty except for my lawyer’s paralegal. She said, “he was already here.” My heart sank, but immediately turned around. “He was already here and he signed. You can go,” she clarified and I burst into tears immediately. I could finally celebrate my new job and the opportunity to move forward with my life! 

In June, I was able to tie up loose ends at my old job and transition the work. Then I took two glorious weeks of vacation with my girls. We spent the first week at VBS and going on what I called, “the farewell tour” where we hit all our favorite spots like parks and restaurants. After that, we drove to Ohio for a long overdue trip to visit relatives. We didn’t pause for a moment, bumping from house to house visiting family and friends. After a few days, we found ourselves at the beach in Ocean City, Maryland and sunk our toes in the sand. It was a whirlwind and an exhausting adventure. I sincerely hope the amazing memories outshine the severely stressful moments of being on the road for so long with so many people in a small space. 

Now, we’re here. It’s amazing and wonderful and imperfect. The best part of our new home is the people. My family is so awesome and we’re meeting lots of friendly people in town, at church, and in the neighborhood. At work, I have only good things to say about the people on my team. I’m so excited to work with them on projects that are rooted in building community and much more. We laugh about the office because it’s falling apart. We’ll all move into an incredible new building in a couple months and I’m actually glad I’m starting here, now because if everything was sleek and new it would be too perfect to believe. That and they gave me a MacBook Pro, so I’d be happy anywhere. 

Overall, our new place has tons of promise. I’m feeling blessed beyond measure to be able to call this my home and to have a job that engages my creative drive. I feel like I’ve finally reached the ultimate freedom. I could go anywhere or do anything, but I get to be where I really want to be with the people I love.