14 Journal Entries that are Actually Helpful for Single Moms

At the first stage of motherhood I lived a very public digital existence. I chronicled every contraction, diaper, coo, and giggle. Outwardly, I projected a very happy existence. Inwardly, life became complex and I didn't know how to walk through the dark stages in my self imposed spotlight, so I shut down. I still needed to write, though. In desperation, I turned to paper and ink.  So desperate was I to begin the healing journey through writing expression that I turned to a friend mid-conversation and asked if she had a journal for me. I took the watermarked angelic cherub within the pages as a sign that the book was meant for me to share my motherhood journey no matter where it led. Because it can be so hard to start a positive habit, I'll kick off this list with the entry that I consider the most important one a single mom can make- the first one.

1. Number One

If the average person can find an excuse not to journal daily, then it must be even easier to avoid for a woman who must cater to the needs of her growing family. Making a commitment to write involves getting a journal, tapping into innermost thoughts, and plowing through exhaustion. The first journal entry can be anything. Channel 's iconic "Are you there God, it's me Margaret" style and pour out the strain of transitioning into a new phase of life. Another option is simply to write about the day as you experienced it. Whatever you decide to write is fine. The important part is just that you make space in your life for the writing to take place. Hopefully these next few journaling queues will give you a deeper idea what to tackle.

2. The Aftershock

It might be surprising to hear, but my memories of the day I discovered my husband cheating aren't very clear. I know I found the exchange of texts on his phone and I think I was in the upstairs hallway near a mirror. I don't know how quickly I confronted him or what our exchange involved. I wish I could tell you that I threw his phone out the window with the rest of his things and sent him packing. Unfortunately, I took my shock to a therapist who suggested I recount the experience in writing with very specific details and then told me she couldn't see me any more because I was pregnant. At least she gave me good advice as a parting gift. It was more than I got out of the other breakup. I do know that I felt better after a wrote it all down and that I was able to release some of the specific pain in that early phase of betrayal. It's a good start.

3. Gentle Encouragement

I can't say enough about how much it helps to be your own best friend. Set little mantras or even congratulate efforts of any size. The important thing is to tap into loving kindness. If you're like me and don't no where to start when it comes to genuine self adoration, check out maitri and Pema Chodron. She once punched her cheating husband in the face and then set off on a personal journey to become a monk. Those are definitely hyperboles that I have considered on both sides of the spectrum of being married and being divorced.

4. Note to Self

Something that really helped me heal and let go of what I lovingly refer to as "lost little girl syndrome" was to reflect on the past by writing notes to myself from the future. I thought about what I would say as someone who really cared about this person that I used to be and who wanted the best for me. As I was writing, I wasn't passing blame or setting impossible expectations, I was just acknowledging that someone loving was present for those hard times.

5. Love List

Write a list of all the things you love. Start with the obvious- children, family, friends. Move onto places and things. This list can be exhaustive just to kill time and prolong the habit of writing in your journal. Do this on nights when you don't know what else to write. When you get to the end, I wonder, how long did it take to write yourself on the list?

6. Quote and Reflection

Take a quote, any quote, and write what you think about after you read it. If you have a daily reader already, it will be easy for you to find a prompt. I highly recommend using something uplifting like scripture or meditations. If you fall down a pinterest wormhole searching for quotes, don't forget to save time to write your reflection. 

7. Learn something new

One of the hardest things about being newly single is filling all the time you would have otherwise spent with your ex. It's even worse if he now takes the kids and you have to fill that time, too. But, it can get better (even great!) if you choose a hobby and find something you really love. A great way to keep track of what you are learning is through a journal. Write about those experiences, save notes to reflect later, or even create a manual to help others learn from you. 

8. Progress check

When you set goals, you have a clear picture of what you have achieved. Start small in the beginning, and you will really see progress over time. I went from crying each and every day multiple times to being a person who really only elicits tears when it matters. I've come a long way since I was 16 years old, but I would never have known it unless I checked in with myself along the way. Don't be afraid to set big goals and to go after them. We all deserve to have dreams!

9. Brain dump

This is your notebook, use it for grocery lists, to do lists, strategizing, or working through a list of therapists. Paper is amazing for organizing thoughts and really showing where the priorities lie for each day. If you're feeling like you can't concentrate, just drop everything you're thinking onto a page, take a brisk 5 minute walk, and move on.

10. All the anger

FUCK. ALL. THE. EXES. Seriously. Everyone sucks and sometimes there are days when they genuinely suck beyond all measure. Take out a big black sharpie and fill a page with all the fucking hate words because, here's the thing. They belong on a page- not in your heart. Let it go in a way that acknowledges your feelings were valid and real so that you can truly move on. 

11. Scribbles

Art therapy is kind of amazing. I went through a phase where I just wanted to explore my inner child so I wrote with my left hand, or backwards, or with two pencils in each hand at the same time. Swirl, swish, dance across the page or just write in gibberish. At this point, you're almost there so just keep coming back to the journal to let that habit set in.

12. Gratitude

I once read that if the only prayer you ever say is "Thank You," that will be enough. Shaping an attitude of gratitude can do wonders for your outlook on life. If that's a complete 180 for you, practicing on the page is a good way to avoid sarcasm or side eyes. Write a list of things for which you are grateful or start with a prompt like, "Today I am grateful for..." It's not always easy to see at first, but even in the darkest hours we can just be thankful for the air we breathe. 

13. Ex Report

Although it's not necessarily fun, I truly believe this is the second most important journal entry for single moms. (Take care of your needs first, but track that shady ex!) When this person regularly sees your kids, chances are they will come home with whoppers from time to time. Start with the simple stuff so that you can see if there are behavioral pattern changes as they progress. That nasty text you desperately want to send about your child's hair being unwashed after a 3 day visit isn't nearly as effective as a 3 month record of missed meals during his visitations. (Although I sincerely hope it never gets to that point for you!)

14. Dream in Color

Let's close on a positive note. Get out the colors and draw in your journal. It might not be in the cards when you start or every time you crack open your book, but it does make a difference. You'll love seeing it when you reflect back through your volumes especially if you use it to note momentous shifts in your life and attitude.