Towing The Line
I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about my custody situation, when I made a shocking realization. If I didn't drive my girls to and from their Dad's house, he probably wouldn't see them. Ouch. I don't like to make generalizations about him, but given his past behavior, it's not hard to see that it's likely. But I hadn't thought of it before so it literally took my breath away.
How could anyone not want to see my girls as often as possible? Yet, here we are in a situation where he sees them once every other weekend. It wasn't always this way. He used to have them more and he made the decision not to by missing out. Ugh.
So here I am towing the line. I'm six years into this parenting gig and it's quite a challenge. Everyone around me says things noting how hard it must be. I just chide in agreement. Yes it's hard, but it's also really good work. I see my girls grow and learn and thrive all the time. I didn't give up. That's huge. Many times I liken my parenting to running a marathon. It's the hardest thing I'll ever do, but of course I'm going to do it.
There are a few things that help me get through the hard time and in the midst of my transition down here, I let them slide. I'm trying to get back into them because they really help me.
1. Exercise - have I mentioned I love Zumba?
2. Daily reading (inspiration, bible verse, or recreation)
3. Spending time with friends
4. Yoga and meditation
When I say "hard time" in this sense it's different. I consider this a time of pushing through and continuing through a positive challenge.
How do I fit all this in? I think in broader terms now. I used to think I had to do everything every day. Now I look at things over the course of a week. Can I exercise three times this week? Absolutely. Did I miss a day of reading my books because I spent a longer evening reading books with my girls? That's totally ok. Life is about give and take. I used to think it took two people for the give and take, but maybe I can figure out a way to make it work just as I am.